Out of all typs of pain I endured, one pain I am yet to adapt to. I had kidney stones, lower back pain, car accidents injuries, fights injuries, I say I had almost all, but one pain that I am yet to learn how to over come. That pain is because by one simple cause, it’s the pain of home sickness and my love to Jordan.
How can overcome such misery? Every damn day I have Jordan on the back of my mind. I hooked my laptop to my tv so I can watch Jordan TV. I look for anything that is made in Jordan when I shop for groceries. I mentions Jordan every time I talk about the beautiful things in my life, and I the same time, the worst pain I live through.
They say that ghorbah is dangerous, and every year you stay away from home, it becomes more difficult to go back one day. It's like a small seed you plant, and every day, the roots get deeper and deeper into the ground that it becomes difficult to rip the tree off the ground once it becomes a tree. I fear that pretty much. I had to leave Jordan when I was 7 years old (thanks dad) to the uae, and then came straight after high school to the states. I was deprived from living my childhood years in Jordan, and I am deprived to live my best years too.
Every time some of my friends go to visit Jordan, I get depressed for few days. And every time they come back, I get depressed too. Do I sound sissy? I don’t give a damn, seriously I don’t. I consider myself to be anti depression as I always look for fun things to do and say. I manage to make so many people around me laugh. Yet, from deep inside of me, there is this little child that screams day and night “take me home bo3bo3, take me home, damn u”
Here comes the hardest part. “why don’t u simply pack and leave bo3bo3?” LOOOOOOOOOOOOL sounds so easy, but he who has his fingers in water is not like the one who’s fingers in fire. Yes it ain’t easy no more when you have a family to lead into the safe shore. Family and job are like the shackles that holds you to the ground. Imagine you are drowning in the sea and you move your hands so hard to rise up to the surface so you can breath, yet you can not because your legs are tied to the bottom of the lake.
How the hell do you cope with such pain? I have no idea. Please don’t anyone tell me “just go home every year for vacation. I would, if I have money, damn money. I never like money, but now I wish I have lots of it, or maybe enough of it just to buy tickets and go to Jordan evey year.
Oh well, as they say in hillbilly ohio, “###t happens”
Crazy & random thoughts
7 years ago