Friday, July 28, 2006

Arab politics?

There is always this struggle inside us, between the desire to see our final goal finally become realty, and between realty. Every time there is any leader that screams off the top of his long “feath to Israel, gather around me arabs” we start chanting “go33333 yasamak alba7r”. That is normal I think. It’s because we are so eager foe anyone to lift us from this miserable situation we are in. The feeling of dismay and loss. We see our societies drown and we see our Arabism, Islamism, or whateveralism always in a state of ..ummm..a sate of…lets call it for now, in the bottom of the food chain. So yes, we naturally react with fever. However, once the blood rivers stop flowing, each one of us goes home to his/her normal life awaiting the second victim so we can go at it once again. That’s one side of the coin.

The other side is our realization of what is realty. We make fun of people who tell us that we should calculate our actions. We should realize the current map of the middle east, and based on it, we should carefully calculate our actions. Then the bombardments of “traitor, 3ameel, motakhathel, ….” Start falling on us like the bombs over south Lebanon.

What is the right course to take? Call for jihadests and start the journey toward the borders of Israel armed with “shabasheb and stones”? Or carefully calculate the current situation? To me, I see it a lose lose situation. You could be called “an idiot who will bring about catastrophe on the land” like nasrallah. Or u could be called “traitor.

I remember yesterday when I was sitting with my wife, reading articles on alarabiya website, and exactly like any typical arab family, we started debating the situation. She felt that this is our chance to eliminate Israel and gather behind nasrallah. I did expect that from her, as she is a very emotional when reacting to news from Lebanon. Me on the other hand, I like calculating (typical engineer). I reminded her with saddam and how Jordanians chanted “belkeemawi yasaddam…” And where are we now?

Call me traitor but I won’t fall again for the typical arab behavior. I will not chant “othrob Yafa yansarallah, othrob dakheelo allah”. Just as I believed that the 1973 war was a fake war to give us “camp david” and just as I believed that saddam’s wars were to give the Americans a foot in the arab peninsula, and again, just as I believed that the intifada gave us Oslo, I also believe that the current war is to force a peace solution on the area that include Lebanon and gaza. Coming soon near u, the final solution for the “Palestinian statehood” and a new Lebanon where we’ll have 25,000 Nato soldiers protecting the northern borders of Israel. Once this happens, we will be in a long “peace for Israel” situation, thanks to our heros, hamas, nasrallah, and the great mastermind, saddam hussain.
Thanks for reading.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Phantom of Shame

Well...I've been trying to write a poem for some time now. It;s been too long since i did. I wrote a poem maybe a year ago, called "Leave me alone". It meant so much to me. I don't know if I posted it here or not. I'll check and maybe post it, as this blog of mine is becoming my only plave where I preserve any poetry of mine. So anyway, being stuck between 4 walls, spells linliness to me. Now, I know my wicked brain. It becomes very active during moments of lonliness and I feel some how controlled by this freak inside of me. Next thing, I see myself unintentially starting to write. I never knew I could write poems. I mean come on, a chemical engineer nerd...doesn't click, right. Well, it took me long time to figure out that I have a feel for writing...specially gothic poetry.

So, anyway, this is my latest gothic poem after a long time of waiting for it to evolve.

I don't know why I feel
The way that I do now.
Confused, lost in emotions
Never wondered how

Once upon a time,
I was an innocent man
But now, no forgiveness
Eternal burning as hell began.

I'm reaching out into a world
I can no longer see.
Eager to one day meet the man
I used to know as me.

As death points to me
Throws me in darkness,
Comforts my angry soul
Never realized I’m so lifeless

Urging me to be calm
Guiding me through the road.
I cannot see any light
Emotions eager to explode

This freak stands all alone,
Staring through eyes of dark.
Wondering whats to be done
Or what to even embark

Ooooh this life of mine
I used to know so well,
The trail of my existence
has turned into a hell.

I'm lost in my curse of mortality,
I'm overwhelmed by my tears,
I'm falling from this unholy sky
As my soul is filled with fears.

The wickedness deep inside me,
Isolated in this black hole,
I'm searching for an end to this,
For they truly control my soul.

I wish the demon departs my mind,
Torturing me beyond any mending.
I know that this can only be possible,
By bring my life to an ending.

Hidden behind that mask,
I am a burning flame,
Disguises cannot forever last,
But I am the phantom....of shame.

AAA 7/9/06

Arabic dancing in wedding

Ok so all those of us who went to weddings, a mixed weddings, saw women dancing. Or those women who went to a seperated wedding, still saw women dance in front of ther women. So lets agree that there is a dance during weddings.

Now, the way dancing is defind in our culture, is specific moves involving the body. Meaning, there is a way to move the body to display some kind of dance. Call it wa7dah w noss or call it arabic dance, the fact remains that the body moves. Without any more elaboration, we all know what is the specific part of the body that moves the most.

I don't know what is the orignation of arabic dance but I would bet that it was derived from the time and era of the "hareem" for the main purpose of entertaining their master, who is of course, a man.

Yet, and through the years, dancing has evolved to be a thing that is done not for the one master. There are night clubs showing women dancers moving their bodies in a way that, we all hope to agree on, entertains the man. To be more specific in this, it's the sexual entertainment, and of course before u hold on ur swords and knock off my head, it is the sexual entertainment that sex is not involved.

Hence, and since most of us agree that the moves of the women's body is aimed to entertain men, why do women dance? What is the pleasure that they et from dancing? Is it just an excercise as many women try to tell us? Is it just an act of social gathering? What is it. Because frankly, when I see women dance, i get entertained. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean I develop any wicked thoughts in my mind. But I get entertained, thats all.
Should women dancing be considered an act of degrading to women? They move their body in a way that is ...ummmm...well u know.

We keep arguing about the era of hareem and how we hate it (I don't ), yet we love one act that was derived from that era, and that is dancing.
Am I expressing my views here? No not really, I am just displaying the circumstances and trying to tackle this phenomena of dancing.
Some times u ask a woman, would u dance in public? and she says no way, I only dance in front of other women, or my husband. Hummmm, why in front of the husband? Is it because there are some moves during the dance that are considered "inflamatory" toward the sexual desires?

And no, this is not like dabkah, there is nothing that inflames the sexual desires in dabka, unless....ok lets not go there, not yet at least.
Yes, a lonely man in a room surrounded by 4 walls can develop wicked thoughts, t7ammalooni for 2 more weeks and then things should go back to normal.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Say you love me...thats all I ask of you

3 months ago, I watched "The phantom of the opera" movie, and was glued to the TV with nothing but love toward the movie. I was hoping that my wife wouldn't see me like that so I sneaked to the living room TV to watch the movie while she was watching her arabic channels. I felt something strange while watching the movie. I found myself moving with emotions and eyes reacting so magically with the screen and the music of the movie. When it was done, i decided not to share my feelings with anyone, fearing the u know look "hummmm bo3bo3, r u turning soft on us?". You know, a bo3bo3 has only his reputation, and that is the scary freaky ugly monster who scares kids and adults, so yes, my reputation was on the line.

Then I moved to indiana, and my heart was itching me to rent the movie and watch it again. I tried to resist, but I really wanted to live that screen and beautiful music. Music such as "All I ask of you" and "the music of the night" just grabbs me and glues my eyes and ears to the TV. Look at me, I am doing it allover again.

So anyway, i decided to get the movie, and watched and watched...and then watched.

I somehow devoloped this love for the mask. I view the mask as being an art. I don't talk about the physical mask, but the imaginary one that we wear. Maybe thats why I was mmmm how do i say this without messing up my evil reputation?...mmmm well thats why I was attaracted to the movie. The story, the music, the agony, the torture, Love, beauty, sweetness of the inside, all of thise were attributes of this movie that just knocked me off my feet.

So what is wrong with me? I gotta keep an eye on my macho manhood label. How can I listen to ziplins, metallica white snake, black sabath, and then...then...then watch the phantom of the opera? Oh but it was so damn beautiful, so please understand what I am going through...."Thats all I ask of you"

This is "thats all i ask of you" song, sung by Raul and Christine

No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here,
nothing can harm you -
my words will warm
and calm you.
Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry -your tears.
I'm here, with you,
beside you, to guard you
and to guide you . . .

Say you love me
every waking moment,
turn my head
with talk of summer time . . .
Say you need me
with you,
now and always . . .
promise me that all
you say is true -
that's all I askof you . . .

Let me be your shelter,
let mebe your light.
You're safe
No-one will find you
your fears are
far behind you . . .

All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night . . .
and you always beside me
to hold me and to hide me . . .

Then say you'll share with me
one love, one lifetime . . .
Iet me lead you
from your solitude . . .
Say you need me
with you
here, beside you . . .
anywhere you go,
let me go too -
that's all I ask of you . . .

Say you'll share with
me one love, one lifetime . . .
say the word
and I will follow you . . .

Share each day with
me, each night, each morning . . .

Say you love me . . .

You know I do . . .

Love me -that's all I ask of you . . .
Anywhere you golet me go too . . .
Love me -that's all I ask of you . .

I must go -they'll wonder where I am . . .wait for me, Raoul!

Christine, I love you!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

I am famous now

I gotta share this with u. Last week I got a message from someone who said bema ma3naah that there is a school project aiming at showing the dangers of the internet and how it can be a bad influence on kids, and they wanted my permission to use some of things I wrote and pictures i posted to show that. LOOL...yes LOOL was my reaction realizing that now I am famous and teachers want to use me or what i write or post to show kids that the net is bad.
Ya3ni true that my dad told me always I will be a loser, but wow, to be known is the flirt and the bad example of the net, is by far, surpased my expectations.
Not mad at all loool but just laughing at my dad's words when I was a trouble maker kid, and how somethings are becoming realty.
have u ever wondered that people misstook who u r? That some don't know u well enough and they have totally different views about u?
Sometimes I wish I can open up and show some of my good face attributes, but seem to fail every time i try. For once, I wanna feel that I leave good impression on someone, anyone, and for once I wanna feel that people know how good of a person i am. loool not working.
It's like u are called something, and u keep fighting it and fighting those who call u that, then u lose the battle, and somehow start believing that u could be wrong. Yes u could be what they call u, only u don't realize it. they say that other people are ur mirror, if u wanna know who u are, ask them how they see u. If u can't beat them, join them...i guess.