Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I wish I can claim I'm strong, but I'm not

Tonight, I decided to go to the arabic restaurant, across the street from the hotel, for good old arabic food and a shisha. I gotta admit that I had fun eating, and smoking shisha on the side walk, beside cute college girls, and endurinf the looks of the passers as they watched me buffing and huffing smoke. Nevertheless, there was a wedding party in the restaurant, and there was a table full of bottles of alcohol.

You see, I've been alcohol free for about 7 years. Since the day I married my wife, I dissontinued drinking once and for all. I wish I can claim to be strong in that catagory, but sadly, I am not. The bottles were calling my name. and I felt a moment of weakness. I could hear the vodca telling me "come and get me oh sweet darling". Thats when I decided to run outside and smoke my shisha.
I travel a lot these days, and part of my work is "pampering" plant managers and managers in general. That means that I take them to fancy restaurants, and let them run the bill into the tripple figures to satisfy their drinking habbits. I struggle in such activity. I sit away from them, but my blood keeps itching for a drink. I wish I can claim I'm strong, but I am not. I am just lucky the God is watching over me. Every time I feel a moment of weakness, God provides an escape rout for me before dragging myself back into this sinnful habbit. I know that if I caved in, then I'm just gonna be wasted for years to come. I don't want that at all. Seven wonderful years so far and I pray that they last till the day I face my God.

I'm no angel, and I know your cheering for such confession. I'm just a human being, who is weak, volurnable, and tempted always by the devil. I just hope that God keeps watching over me and keep me away from such thing. It's bugging me that my wife interrogates me after I come home. She questions me and smells my mouth to make sure that I'm still clean. I am clean..and I hope it lasts forever.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I miss her already

My parents stayed with me over six months. They had just left to jordan last week on thursday. I was planning for mega activities the minute they depart back to jordan. A vacation trip and some good old catching up to do with my wife and son.

However, I found out a week ago that I need to attend a conference in cinsinnati the week after they depart. So I'm stuck away from her. I also found out that I have to travel to Boston next week (for the week) and to tenessee the week after. Thats three weeks away from her, except for weekends. The months of july through december don't look better. I have to stay 2 weeks every month in both, cincinnati and tenessee. Thats not counting the urgent travling, and it usually happens.

I love my's creating an opportunity that I just can't say no to. Financial security to her and my family. Great career advancements. But I'm missing a touch in my life. I wanna walk outside to the park with her. I wanna go out and dine out as we used to do in the past. I wanna go shopping with her. But can't do it often.

So instead, I plan for my numbered days with her monthly to do something. Have fun just like any other couple out there. I wanna run in the house butt naked again. well..ok..maybe that was way too extreme, but u do get the picture. I wanna feel, act, behave, and live as a married man. I can't. I know that my parents will be back soon. Could be 2 months..or 5..who knows, but they r coming back.

I wanna be wild again..and live wild. But instead, I'm constantly flying/driving and it's having a toll on my personal life. I sometimes feel that I'm not married at all. The next three weeks will be harsh on the both of us. Maybe i should take her with me next time.

Monday, May 07, 2007

I am not racist

but have feelings...negative feelings toward some ethnic bckgrounds.

So, there is this conference that I'm attending in cincinnati, ohio. It's a technical conference on plastics. I checked in the hotel yesterday, sunday, and delayed my conference regeistration till monday. Historically, registration goes smoothly.

Monday 6:30 am: Bo3bo3 gets up from bed panicked due to the alarm clock. It seems that I didn't know how to set up the alarm. Believe me, alarm clocks these days are very complicated and you sincerly need a manual to know how to operate the thingie. So I woke up on some rap music. I quickly ran to the shower and prepared myself for the conference. 7:30 am and after checking my work email, I went down stairs to the restaurant for a quick breakfast. usually, a cup of coffee and a muffin would take care of me.

Monday 7:50 am:Bo3bo3 walks into Duke energy center, where the conference is located, only to find a long line. I could almost swear that 60% of the attendants are chinese and indians. As usual, I searched for a cute girl (and believe me, they are difficult to find in such conference). I found my victim, and waited as she got in line, and I quickly got behind her in line. Don't get me wrong, but I'm born a yacker and social by nature. "Hi how u doin...yada yada" and the conversation started.

Monday 8:45 am:Bo3bo3 is still standing in line. The problem is that many chinese didn't understand english pretty well, and some were registering today. I rigesterd few weeks back, but had to stand in line for my badg and schedule. These guys take too long on the registration booth. The lady tells them something simple, and they keep asking things that I have no clue how they relate to the conference activities. My legs are tired, and my back hurts from my laptop case. If it wasn't for this cute girl, I would've done something stupid, seriously.

Monday 9:10 am:finally, I got my badg and goodies and walked out to see if I could see anyone I recognize. I found what looked to be a couple of arabs standing in a corner. I walked to them and read their names on their badges. they were arabs. The usual "hala abo elshabaab..keef el7al" and we started talking. They were an algerian and a tunisian. We agreed to meet at lunch time to have a lunch together.

Monday 10:45 am:Bo3bo3 walks out of the conference hall and wait for those guys.

Monday 11:30 am:still waiting

Monday 11:45 am:realized that those arabs were not gonna show up. they must have been scared of me. i would've. All I wanted is a chat with fellow arabs and talk technical, thats all. they said at 11:00 am..yet..none showed up. So I decided to have lunch on my own.

Monday 1:30 pm:Bo3bo3 goes back to the conference hall and attends the afternoon session.

Too many chinese and indians. The problem with the chinese is that they never speak english and I hate the way the smile. The indians are funny. The minute one of them starts making more than $12/hr, they think highly of themselves. They start speaking in a language as if they were doctors. The walk as if they were the sultans. And they wear cheap $25 suites. Very cheap.

The problem is that this is only day one...4 more days to go . I can't handle this.
Oh well...poop happens I guess.