Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Once upon a time in amman's international airport

I posted this a year ago in regards to my last summer trip to amman. Then I read post, and it triggered emotions in me that I wanted to share my experience last summer.

Not knowing what to expect or how it would feel like, I went through the gate (gate 56 in detroit airport) to the royal jordanian flight to amman. As soon as I got to my seat, my heart was pounding. I kept calming myself down that I'm not in amman yet, but somehow, I felt as if the plane was an extention of mother land, my beloved jordan.
I sat down, and closed my eyes because I sensed a moment of sadness and was worried that someone may see a tear drop here or there coming of a bald headed middle aged man. I started imagining who's gonna be in the airport waiting for me. Heart started pounding faster, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to resist my tears. I then calmed myself down, specially after this man sat next to me in the flight. He was a jordanian who is studying in the states, mybe 28 or 30 doing his pHd in industrial engineering.
The plane moved and the captain (3reegat was his name) informed us about the take off procedure and conditions.
The plane speed up and suddenly, I was on the air on my way home. Home, sweet home, ya tora what does it look like these days? Will I see my family very soon? well, it looks like it anyway, so calm down bo3bo3, calm down, only 12 hours that separate you from where your heart and soul are eager to be in peace.
I couldn't sleep in the plane, while the man next to me slept like a baby, lucky him, he visits jordan yearly, so he doesn't have that anticipation that I'm feeling.
Two seats away, this woman who is trying to comfort her baby, who kept crying. I felt bad for her. There was a kid (maybe 2 or 3 years old) who kept playing around, and the "modeefeh" begged him to move and sit down. The mother didn't like it, thinking that she owns the plane. Boy on a normal situation, I would thought of breaking the window and throw him and his mom off the plane, but today was a special day in bo3bo3's life. So no evil thoughts or wicked feelings are to be thought about today.
Then I say the shore lines of palestine, and my heart pounded faster. I could see cities and villages. Then the dead sea appeared and with it, my body had goosbumps and my heart felt as it was beating so slow that I panicked. The plane is dessending and I see the airport. We landed. I quickly covered my face because I was feeling a joy I never felt before for a long time. People rushed to get out, and I waited. My legs were shaking.
Then i got out. For the first time in 5 years, I am walking on a jordanian soil. I walked faster and faster. I starred at every face I saw, I was just happy. Then got to the money exchange booth and got my visa. I sat dopwn underneath a sign that said "No smoking" and started smoking. Heck, three other guys (airport workers) were also smoking in the same area.
I then went to get my luggage. An airport worker tried to steal my labtop, but I caught him. he looked at me as if there was nothing wrong, and moved on his way. I got the luggage, and went straight to customs.
"fee ma3ak eshi yetjamrak" a dude asked me and I replied "no". He then said "tfaddal akhooy".
Then I saw my dad. The old man waived both his hands to me and I smiled back. I worked so hard to overcome the tears in my eyes, last thing I want is him seeing me crying. I then saw my wife and my son. Suddenly, I felt in heaven. Dad, wife, and son all at once? If Mom was there, it would've been the real heaven.
Hugged my dad, then wife, and held junior. He started speaking arabic to me and I was even more joyfull.
On the road, dad was giving me a tour of "share3 elma6ar". There is gasr elsnoober. There is that big house on top of the hill that dad says it was transformed to like a restaurant or something. I see people on the sides of the road selling figs, grapes, and watermellon. There on the left side a ra3i with his sheep. I had a big smile on my face, while my heart was crying so hard. I just didn't believe what I'm seeing. Is it really me in amman? I mean wow, finally, I;m in amman?
A dear friend of mine whom I love and a dore, told me that "wa6an is where your family is" I dissagree with her 100%. You can take family anywhere in the world, but can you take what composes a wa6an? bayya3 elteen is part of that wa6an. bayya3 elba66eekh is too. Elkashrah is essential. the falafel, shawarma, ro3yan elghanam, zamameer elseyyarat, and many many more things that make up this wa6an.
Take all those parts, and move them somewhere else, and then, only then, I'll agree that wa6an is moveble.
Wa6an, what a sweet word, that we seem to fail to fully understand. It's not the flag or the piece of property you own. Wa6an is a house that is built on so many corners and stones. Take one out, and the base of this house will start detoriorating.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Meaningless Illusions

There are things that we are told about..and go through life to lern that they may mean something different than what we were told. I guess life is a long session class that full of tests and reading..or should i say learning material.

Hope.....hope is something that we were told is a strive to be someone..or somewhere. To alwyas keep that small window in ur secluded isolated space, open, and even if it was small, still should be enough to show u the light that u r eager to see, to drive ur soul to pursue life. Or is it a fake principle that we use it as a drug to numb our feelings...or reactions, and deceive them into believing that a person can go through a small 20 by 20 cm. something that we should value so much. Live it, and enjoy it to the best as we can while maintaining some kind of connection with God. To make sure that we lead this life into making good and obstaining from evil. Or is it something that doesn't belong to us, and at any moment in time, the almighty would take it from us so easily. a glimps of where we wanna be or how we wanna look. To always prepare for it, and work to make it a bright one, not a gloomy future. To always strive for strengethening it with materialistic objects and things. Or is it a closed door that no one knows whats gonna come out, once the door is opened.I.....I am me, the way i wanna be, and the way i want others to view me. I look for me, to strengthening me, and to take care of me. Having the greatest job, and the greatest materialitiics goods. I look for me to be the one and only entity that is on top of the world. I wanna be good, noo i mean the best and want people to respect me. Or is it I am how others view me, regardless of how i view me.

Happiness.....we're told that the golden prize, the goal, actually, the mother of all goals. No life is complete without it. It comes from people. You make them happy, and in exchange, they make ur goal of happiness so easily reachable. Or is ilusion that we'll never reach as we always strive for a happier state. On ocasions, we see it so far away, and we keep chasing it, and when we come so close, we discover that it is nothing but a mirag.

Darkness...They told us is a domain that is full of evil and wicked life. Vampires and satanic worshippers. One should always stay in the light to be able to see the clear road, into salvation. Darkness is a cover that would hide whats behind it. Or is it a world that is so beautifull where everything is the same and everyone is alike.

lonliness....It's the soul killer. It drives a person to a depression mode, where he/she is prevented from expressing love, hate, appreciation, to another soul. It opens up the gates of wicked desires, where the person is in great need for someone to talk to, or someone to listen to. Or is it a state when we finally are alone, investigating own, and trying to figure out own.

sadness....Is the feeling of despair and misery. When you live an agonizing moment for a smile is what u wish for. If it was allowed in your life, it will bring about all pain and suffering that are the needed fuel for the rivers of tears to flow. Or is it a way to appreciate happiness and makes you strive and look for that happy moment in your life.

Love...........just a chemical reaction that goes in your body. It is a result of a happy moment with that someone that you would wish to die, if he/she doesn't exist in ur life. That someone that u wait so eagerly by the phone awaiting to hear his/her voice, in a time that you are in most need for such a call. It's the candle that lights the road to your future of building a family, and living that life of yours with that sweet someone. It's when you suddenly lose any desire to eat, sleep, or feeling good, if that someone is away from you, or...simply not available. Or is it the curse that hits you on a very young age and makes live a darkened life for you never knew that your first love will never last. Leaving you with .....a life that u wish it ends somehow.

Hate.....Is the greatest sin of all. It brings misery to your life, and darkens your heart for you wish to avenge that lover who left you, or that killer who distroyed your life. It creeps on you slowely, and never departs your heart. Or is it your true reaction toward someone or an incident, and should be looked at as pure as love itself.

Memories......bad bad bad...unless they are wonderfull memories that keeps reminding you with sweet ocasions and lovely incidents. It is needed to build up your personality, and makes who you are today. They are part of your life, even if gone in the past, still, they are what may bring smile on ur face while sitting down sipping coffee remembering a dad that departed to the other life, or a child's smile that caught your attention, or a beautifull face that brought some good feelings to your soul. Or is it the knife that keeps stabbing your heart for you are not able to let go of past incidents.

Life is a beautifull class..only if we manage to study good for such great science.