Monday, February 19, 2007

When dreams turn into nightmares

It was a Saturday morning. I woke up a little happy that day. Nothing has happened yet, but I felt it was going to be a good day. I decided to take a walk. Gathered my walking gear (my good old friend of camel’s light and my dark glasses that I use to hide my eyes) and walked on the side walk. It was just a pleasant day and the sun was as crisp as it could ever get.

I saw a coffee shop at the end of the street right on a corner of another street. I decided to sit there for a while as I reflect on my days as usual. “What would you like to drink sir?” this young waiter asked me. “a black cup of coffee please” I replied. I took one of my “poison by choice” cigarette and soon after, the thick smoke of this beauty of art was filling my lungs and the surroundings.

I took out my small notebook that I always keep with me and thought of writing my thoughts. Although I suck in poetry, but somehow, it found a place to my heart. It wasn’t easy finding that small part of my soul that is sentimental, fighting it’s existence against my practical and scientifically way of thinking, but it somehow did.

I looked around for any inspirational object of person to initiate that process of writing. I waited for the pen to start writing, but with no luck as I couldn’t find that inspiration.

Suddenly, with my eagle’s eyes that usually search the planet for cute eyes, or cute faces, I saw this woman sitting down reading a book. I looked away, but again, somehow, my soul grabbed my attention and stirred back toward that woman. It seems that her blue eyes and thick reddish hair were too much for my eyes to look the other way. But there was something about that woman that wasn’t clicking right. She seemed to be reading but her eyes were not moving with the words she was reading. I then started to believe that she was simply in another world of her’s.

I decided to get up and start a conversation with her. I walked to her table and asked “can I join you ma’am?”. She noted yes without a word and quickly shut her book and leaned back on her chair as if she was waiting for the conversation. We spoke about many things from her personal life to mine and heck, we even touched a little on the subject of politics. The time then came for our departure and each of us went their way.

The next day, I went to the same coffee shop and waited for her to show up. She did, and we talked and laughed. I suddenly found myself attached to this woman and any interaction with her. Days went by and we spoke more and more and seem to get attached to one another. I gotta be honest with you, this woman made me feel just amazingly good. I felt that there was love between the two of us. We were talking openly with one another.

Then one day, and as I was eagerly waiting for her arrival, she didn’t show up. I suddenly felt not right as every cell of my body was crying for her arrival. But she didn’t. I kept going back to the same place day after day, but my unknown beauty was no where in sight. I never gave up on her. Somehow, she gave up and decided to disappear. I promised myself to tell her “I love you” the next time I see her, but with no luck. I miss that sweet smile of her and I miss the way she was playing with her hair. But with no luck. I started to suspect that I was living in a dream, a sweet dream, that was never meant to have a sweet ending. I kept pressuring myself to wake up from this dream of mine as it was taking a toll on me…and finally, I managed to awaken. I looked around and all I saw is my friend camel’s light sitting next to me. No one was around. I didn’t know whether to be thankful that I awoke, or feel sad for knowing that it was just a dream. How can a dream transforms into a nightmare……that I’m still searching for an answer for.