Oh Jordan

These days, summer time, this is the time of the year..when birds go back to the tree where they were at some point in time, an egg before hatching. Time when the geese fly home, time when the salmon wsim upstream to their birth site, time when the lust for birthplace is so strong. This is the time where jordanians go home, to see family, see the land they were born in. It's the time where amman streets are so busy, with the good souls of faithfull ones who went back home.
It is also time when those who couldn't make it back, to sit and sing the blues while getting drunk on the haunting memories of childhood. With pain that is intolorable tearing their inside out. So much hurting that thunderous storms ruining their souls constantly while calling home and hearing that so and so just went home from england, italy, saudiarabia, uae, and many other countries. So I decide to write this poem, and I doubt I could reply back to any comment. Thanks for reading.


Oh Jordan, what have I, to myself, done
This nightmare, when will it ever be gone?
This curse of mine, agony, a firing gun
Oh Jordan, have mercy on your beloved son

In my nights, as darkness sharpens it’s teeth
Preparing to slaughter, the knife is out of it’s sheath
Holding me down, to my throat it seek
Teasing my heart, to it, refusing to speak

Come on already, I beg of you to set me free
Take it from it’s misery, just let it be
Strike me, with will and mighty, to you I plea
As I watch that land, far away, across the sea

Only if I could fly, across the sea, through air
To the land that resides in my nightmare
To my loved ones, those for them I care
To touch the sand, not a moment I would spare

To see the night skies, and stars as they dance
To see the hills, of Amman, even a short glance
To feel the warmth of it’s wind, singing the song
Of my childhood, as I close my eyes, and sing along

Oh Jordan, it’s me, crying for your long waited love
In this domain of darkness, of you, I will always think of
I need you to sneak me out from my misery, I’m so weak
Hear my screams, of agony, I suddenly can’t speak

Will this nightmare ever end, or from my life disappear?
Wish it go away, not to ever come back, for it I fear
Sadly I realize that this is my destiny, it, to me so clear
From this cursed domain, I, my life, can never away steer

As I seek that corner, yes right there, realizing my doom
Bowing my head down, as I cry alone, isolated in my room
Letting that creature, agonizing me, and my heart, consume
With tears of sorrow, oh Jordan, I’m a prisoner of my own gloom

AAA 6/28/06

I will always love you forever

I wanna share with you a poem that I wrote to my wife yesterday, and hope that it finds a heart to like it.

I can glimpse the sunset
in your lovely eyes.
To me, you are a treasure
or special prize.
Although we have been distantand
and far apart.
Your love always live
within my heart.

I hope to see you
…..very soon.
To see your beauty
like the shining moon.
And when the day comes
to see you again.
My heart will shine
with no longer pain.

I know that often
it seems like I don't care.
But our bond is strong
that we have to share.
So believe me when I say
I promise… I'll always be there.

I’ll always be that someone
You will always lean on.
I will always be the hand
that, to it, you will hold on.
For we share that perfect love
that can never be bought or thrown.

And I hope this relationship
will never ever end.
To have the perfect life
I would, with you, spend.
I wish I wouldn't hide
the way I always do.
so all I have to always say
“I’ll, forever, love you”

AAA 6/25/06

A night in Chicago

I am a sucker for italian food. So as I was sitting in the hotel, one of my cowrokers called me for dinner. I told him the previous night that I heard of an italian restaurant called "toscany" in chicago's little italy. To my ruprise, we went there, invited by another three guys attending the same conference. As if the guys wanted to surprise me.

Now, there were no waitresses, all italian guys with heavy accent. We sat down, and out waiter came to us. His name was Sahul (pronounced sha-hol). He started by bringing bread, and roasted garlic, dipped in olive oil. He smoshed the garlic, added oil, and spread it on the bread and handed it out to us. He looked like the soup nazi from sinfield, wasn't smiling. We couldn't say no, because he was mkasher, and the garlic just smelled so nice.

Then I took him a side, and said "sahul, I heard that u guys make the best veal parmasian in the world, and it's not on the menue, and I'd like to try it) he starred at me, and said "you got it, I'll make it myself". he leaned to me, and kissed me on both cheeks, and said "are you sure your not italian?" because it seems that this a special dish that only few customers know about it. the guys were impressed with the whole thing. he then brought a bottle of wine, and said "you guys will buy this". Of course no one said no. they drank, and I didn't. Sahul didn't like me not drinking, but the veal parmasian was enough to cool his anger.

He brought me the parmasian, and some pasta on the side, and some fried calamary as well as tommatos covered with cream cheese and olives on the side. I didn't ask for that, but he brought it khawa.

To say the least, this was the best veal parmasian I ever ate in my life, with all sincerity. I ate like there is no tomorrow. It was a great dinner. I was bothered wth the smell of wine, but managed to overcome it with more garlic.

I then went to the bar to smoke my marlboro there. Sahul followed me and sat with me. I was worried that he has some intentions.He asked me "how did I hear about Tuscany's veal parmasian. I told him that an italian friend from indianapolise told me about it. He said "you have a good friend, because we don't make it to all, and it's not on the menue". We chatted for few minutes, enough to know he is a sicilian immigrated here 8 years ago and has 3 daughters.

I went back to the table, and Sahul brought me a frozen lemen ice. It was a lemon, emptied from everything, then italian icecream stuffed in it, and frozen.

I never been happy that much in a restaurant in my life. True that the bill was $270, but I felt so good there, specially that I didn't pay.So next time, when you guys go to chicago, get a cab and tell the driver to take you to Tuscany restaurante' in little italy in chicago (on west tayler street), and ask for Sahul, an old man with a thick hair and a mostach, and then ask for veal parmasian (not on the menue), you will be in heaven on earth. Check the pictures in the link provided here.

http://www.stefanirestaurants.com/tuscany.htm

666

ok..so I rushed out of work at 4 pm hoping to catch the 5 pm show near by. I was expecting some delays, but not like what I saw. The lines were long and traffic jam at the entrance of the mall. I was angry...I looked forward to seeing the movie tonight, but instead, went back to the room, and sat in isolation to punich myself for not being able to watch it, tonight.

I bet some are like me, have their own rituals when it comes to watching horror movies. The sound surround system, the lights off, the 2 candles lighting up the living room. Heck, I even kick my wife and junior out so I can hear every drop of sound in those movies. On ocasions, when the evil sneaks behind the scared girls who is trying to escape, and slowely approaching her, ahile she is screaming trying to open the jammed door, I say, on ocasions, I would jump scared, and then a big smile on my face screaming "yeah baby, thats damn good".

But tonight, I am misreable as I am deprived of the movie I was awaiting for on this day. Instead, i scroll through the darkside of the net trying to get a kick of any thoughts from any of the great members of that side to express their feelings about today.

aaaah what a sad day. So much for practicing the spell...so much for the ritual...aaas so much for the excitement.

So i call on the demons of the dark side of the web, come to my rescue..oh creatures of the night, come to me, I am awaiting on fire for your coming. Share with me the night. Share with me the ritual and the sacrifice. Let there be no sunlight before I feed my desires. If i could just go out now, seek a victim, insert my thirsty teeth into her neck, and feed on her life. Death does bring about life, so where are you. Lead me to the promissed state of mind. feed my lust to the flesh of the weak, and the blood of the mortals. I command you to seek me and to follow me to the feeding grounds.

ok ok bo3bo3 i see that the movie is affecting your state of mind, easy buddy, calm down, tomorrow is another day, and rest assured that a victim shall be yours in no time.

Momy..I'm gonna leave you, please don't cry

As she was busy all night preparing her suitcases and papers, her eyes were flowing a river of tears. The whole house was doomy like. Nothing but sadness. "Please don't leave us" her mom was begging the little girl not to leave. Dad was trying so hard to hide his tears, yet, all who were in the house felt the pressure inside him that wants to explode. But he had to remain calm...at least one has to be firm in this.
Morning came, and as the little girl was ready to ride the taxi to the train station, she looked back at mom....who was still in agony that her little sweet girl is leaving her... I say she looked at her, and ran back to give her mom one last hug before leaving....and looked her in the eyes and said
"I'm leaving today.
Mom, please don't cry.
I'll be back soon.
Wipe the tears from your eyes.

I'm leaving you Mom.
I am on my own.
Yes, it is scary Momy.
Never been away from home.

I'm leaving Momy.
I'm a big girl now.
I will miss you
But it's life, somehow.

I'm leaving ...Momy.
Please don't be sad.
You're the best mother
Anyone could have..."

I know that times like these are harsh on poeple. Specially girls, who are so mature, yet, in the eyes of mom will always be that little girl. Boys too.
When I was 17 and a half, i was shipped to the states. I remember my Mom begging my father not to send me alone, and told him that bo3bo3 should wait for his friends who are going to states in 2 weeks. My dad was rough...I know he was rough..He pushed her (kindly) away and swore that bo3bo3 will go alone to the states. I cried (yes an 18 years old man does cry)...I was confused. I didn't know what I wanted. Dad pushed mom away and got a hold of my hands and dragged me to the car. Mom crying. Sisters crying Bo3Bo3 crying. But my dad had dry straight eyes. Took me in the car, and I watched my mom sitting on the sandy ground in alain, UAE crying like someone who just lost a famimly member to death. Dad pushed me through the gate of abu dhabi airport, and walked away. I looked at him, but all I could see is his back walking away from me.
17 years later.....I know that my dad must have been crying on the 2 houre drive back to the house. I know he did...I am sure he did.Times like these, when little girls and little boys mature and it's time to fly away to reach the stars, or become someone out there. Time to pursue life. Time to see the world. Times like these are so harsh on all sides of the equation, the X's, the Y's and the constants. I can never forget that day...Learned two things from them, Parents go through a hard time to let go those little kids in their eyes, and number 2 I learned that these actions by parents do create who we are, how strong we could be, and how we would approach life.

How was your departure away from home?

The music and me

Ok I hope I'm not wierd....or is it too late? oh well.

I looooove music so much, maybe more than loving cooking on a weekend and mastering the art of creating exotic food. So, anyway, I love music. What kind of music you asked? will this is the wierdness in me. Here it goes.

I could be listening to my favorite group, Ambrosia, and specially the song "How much I feel" and would be floating on air. Not realizing that I am melted in this creative music style. Then suddenly, I would insert a CD for santana and go crazy on "Europa" and actually act like an idiot and pretend to play the guitar and move my fingers as if I was controling the guitar. On many ocasions, I would listen to my favorite classical collection, specially "the four seasons-my favorite is spring, whats yours?". Yanni, Metallica, Guns and roses, Lionel richie, deep purple, elron john, and many other artists have songs on one CD in my car. Flipping from one style to another in the same CD. Add on top of that, the great Miles Davis (specially sletch of spain). I just love music, pretty bad I guess.

I found a haven in music. You could actually get high (not that I recommend it at all...the getting high part) while listening to music. Following the notes, the trend, and the transition between them. No wonder I love Majda elroumy to death..and was happy that she got divorced, maybe she'll look at her number one fan finally. Ok I now sound like a majda maniac. Well....I am.

Or when listening to Jim Croce while singing Operator or time in a bottle. And to make matters worst, I adore Andrea Bocilli, eventhough I don't understand italian, but dudes and dudetts, this guy can take you from one world to another with a simple tone in his voice. My favorite is "Con tu Amor" in the CD Sentimento. Heck I love that whole CD.

Led Zippelin, White snake and Abdelmajeed Abdallah are part of my confusing world of music. I just love it...thats all.

Take me to the stairs of heaven, nowwwwww.

Time does pause, it's true

So as some of you may know that I have accepted a new job 2 months ago. This meant that I have to relocate. Hence, I had to leave my family behind (wife and son) in ohio while I move to indianapolis. Two months passed by so far, and finally our house in ohio is sold. In the same time, I am searching a new home here in indianapolis, and thanks to the internet, I can get with my wife on line and screen through the pages of homes that our agent sends to us daily.

I say two months passed by...and frankly, i felt time did stop on me. Stuck in a hotel all this time and for more time to come till my family moves with me here. There are things I learned from this process and it may help others there...maybe anyway.

I learned the value of family...my wife and my beloved son. Not being able to see them for long times..two weeks each time, made me realize their importance in my life. True I always valued them, but in the past 2 months, I discovered that their value in my life by far surpasses any expectation in my mind. It's not about the food or playing with bo3bo3 junior in the yard, or dining out all together as a family. But rather, it was about their simple presence. It's about seeing their faces every day. Talking to them. Sharing with them. On a typical rough day at work, I used to walk through the door, see my wife, and sit down. Her touch on my shoulder may not have meant alot to me back then, but now, I die to feel her hand comforting me after a rough day at work. Coffee, even though it's made the same way it used to be, but it lacks her hand handing me the cup with the most beautifull smile I seen in my life. I miss those times when junior asks me silly questions..and I would spend some time playing with him. His dinasurs, toy cars, and his coloring is what I miss the most. Ghorbah after a ghorbah is taking a toll on me.

I also learned that sacrifices are big in strengthening the family.All three of us did sacrify, for a better life and a better career in the future. We had to do this to improve our situation, financially as well is career. A single person may not understand these feelings, but when they get involved in creating a family and leading it through life hassles, they'll learn the importance of sacrifice. Making tough decisions, while planning for a better future.

I learned that life is not always smiling at us. Sometimes, things will look so harsh, so pale, yet, with a smile from our side, we can turn it around. Always thinking of the future does help. Giving up on early trials, or simply fearing change, will get us no where. This is the first time I go through such major change, and now I appreciate my parents when they had to do that. I remember my dad left us in jordan for 2 years and went to the UAE to work there. Then we followed him, an now I do realize what they had to do, for our sake.

I am a very happy person in my career and I excell so fast that surprises my bosses, and satisfies them. But I feel the price I am paying is a heafty one and heavy on the soul as well as the mind. However, I have my family's future in my radar and I'm always keeping an eye on it. We hate it now, but 3 months from now, when the wheel of time starts rolling again, we'll appreciate it as a one whole family.

So yes, time does stop......but it rolls back again if we hold on stronger.

Thanks for reading