Monday, December 18, 2006

Who are you?

Sometimes, it’s difficult to understand who you really are. Seriously, you seem to know who you want to be, or who you were, but when it comes to today, you struggle to understand who you truly are. They say that admitting realty is half the way, but you still need to go all the way. So who are you?

Funny that you go through a past that is full of so joyful memories, yet, it is also full of painful ones. You think that you are better off by pulling the plug of those sad memories. I admit it that sometimes, I wish I can somehow plug my brain to some kind of machine and do a partial formatting to get rid of those bad memories. But what we fail to understand is that those sad memories are an essential part of who we are. Who are you?

Forget about describing who you wish to be some day, or what you want to be. Just focus on analyzing yourself in the current situation. You may laugh at this, but I sometimes sit down and start this debate with myself. True I have hard time convincing myself of what my aim is, but it’s worth the troubles, believe me. Crazy? I may be, but I know that I give so much importance to know who truly I am. So who are you?

Those nights I may stay awake thinking of things that can only make me feel sad or maybe shed a drop of tears…or two. Or those days I start day dreaming about a certain day in history that involved me. In the end, I came to realize who I am. Maybe not the full picture, but a close one. It’s like writing a resume or some kind of a description about yourself, with it’s positives or even negatives, it doesn’t matter at all. Do you really know who you are?

A flirter, but never intended to hurt anyone? Maybe. A very sensitive man who is pretending to be the macho of all men? Again maybe. It just takes lots of guts to confront yourself and demand from it to come out lifting that mask you may like to wear all the times. It ain’t easy giving up the mask. It’s like having two choices, one that show you naked and transparent, or another with colorful clothes that makes others say “wow…that’s cool and pretty” It just not easy. One should weigh the positives as well as the negatives of such naked body. Are you ready to be naked in front of others? Do you know who you are?

But clothes are important to portray a certain image of ourselves. Being naked is like being vulnerable to others. I gotta say that I am never a big fan of this nudist movements, but with all honesty, I am a fan of the nudity of the soul. Never mind about those clothes, just attempt to confront yourself, and demand to know the truth. Maybe you know the truth, but you are not brave enough to admit it. Who know. I don’t. Who the heck are you?

I love fun, and social life, but feel isolated. I love the bar atmosphere, but not a drinker and hate the smell of alcohol. I love humor and consider myself to be good at putting a smile on others, but can’t tell a joke. I am a strong man, who developed a certain personality, but very weak and would produce tears for the simplest reason. I love love itself, but seem to be lost with expressing with words. I…well…I am attemting to be naked, but it doesn’t seem to work at all, for my nakedness will cause so much….lets say mess to me and to others. Do I fear the accusations and the looks of others? NO. Do I care about who others see my nakedness? NO….But I seem to be so attached to the clothes and the mask that I’m having a hard time letting go. Can you let go?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I like your honesty and your "nakedness of the soul" cannot get more honest and transparent than that i think.
i am glad you did not say you are a conservative...its a huge turn off for me to know such people...
how come this post was posted before the last one?? it must have been drafted on that date i think.
have a wonderful day!