Another dose of sopranos

First, let me apologize for not being able to post my review about the second episode of sopranos, simply because it was boring and was turning into a soap opera thingie. I mean come on. Tony is still in a comma, wife (carmella) is crying, kids crying, the whole mob is in a sad atmosphere. What is this? The bold and the beautifull? Come on already, and lets get to business. Geeeeeees.

Anyways, the third episode started and Tony is still in a comma. He is trying to wake up, but can’t. Two of the captains get a great deal. They chase this hespanic gang, and baaaam, they scavenge a million plus dollars. What a catch. They made a big mess of course, three gangsters dead.

They approach the acting boss, Tony’s right hand “Sel” and he orders them to split it half, and each has to give carmella 100K. They didn’t like it, but the boss had his saying. He himself was admitted to the hospital for breathing problems. Eyes are open, and the second guys in command are already talking about the life after Tony. What kind of pigs these guys are? Tony is still alive, can’t they see that?

More sadness, and more soap opera. Half way into this episode, and I’m already threatening to stop watching the sopranos. Lets get back to the good old days, more blood and more killing.

Anthony is demanding a screen writer to write a script about an idea of a movie in anthony’s mind. It’s about a mafia captain, who is killed, then he comes back from death and baaam, revenge time. Then a meeting of potential investors, who happen to be all mafia lords. The last thing mafia lords are good at, is being investors in the movie business.

Then came the good stuff. Pauly goes in and sees Tony. Tony’s daughter tells him to be positive, and the dude can not. He see’s tony and he goes crazy. Then he starts yacking and yacking. The machines in Tony’s room starts beebing, then nurses come running. Tony;s seem to get out of the comma. In his comma, he is dreaming that he is told that he is going home, but he has to let go of the suit case he is carrying. This seems to symbolizes that Tony is not able to let go of this comma situation.

Let go Tony, let it go. Time to go home. Tony is awake now, and the whole hospital is in joy (and so is bo3bo3). Although the two captains didn’t wanna give carmella the 200K, but now they have to, and they do. Tony is up, and he will be back next episode. Bottom line, Tony is back, and so is the great soprano’s show.

Did I mention to you guys and gals that I’m a chicken?

Ok, so hareega dared me to answer some questions, tough questions, and I gotta admit it, I am a chicken, not even a rooster, yep, just a plain old chicken. Dude, hareega, I have to chicken out, and this is not because I’m scared of the questions, but dude, I’m a married man, and married men in america do fear their wives. Right? Come on guys, say yes, don’t leave me hanging alone in the dark. Will someone please say "your right bo3bo3"? damn it, your no good guys.
Although I am a chicken in many occasions, but I love to flirt with the red lines, only with limitations. I think that there is an art for such actions, and correct me if I’m wrong.
For example, you can say things that are out of those lines, but you say them in the right manner. Manner like leaving the reader understand what your trying to say, but without leaving him/her with any proof that this is what you meant. Similar to the art of bala gafyeh. You always leave the reader convinced that you meant the "gafyeh part", yet, you didn’t give him/her a clear indication, or any criminating statement that may incriminate you.
I told you it’s an art, a wicked art it is.
So hareega dude, I confess, puck puck puckeeeeeeeek.

A lost chapter from the dark side

So there I was walking on a street called "colorado ave". I don’t know how I got here. I mean I have no recollection how I ended up on that street. "Where is my car" I started wondering. Couldn’t find it. So I kept walking and walking……and still walking. Then I saw this beautiful woman walking in the opposite direction. I starred at her, with blood boiling inside of my body. She smiled at me as she passed me. "That’s it" I said to my self. I stopped, turned around, and walked to her. "Hi there, my name is bo3bo3, do u mind if I walked with you?" I asked. She agreed.
We then walked together toward her place. Walked upstairs to her apartment. She opened the door, and we sat on the couch. I kept hearing those voices inside of my mind telling me to simply do it, just do it. Blood inside my veins is flowing very hard. I am sweating, for the lust inside of me is overwhelming my desires. She went to the kitchen to get a drink for herself, and I really wanted a drink. But my drink is different.
You can do it bo3bo3 I kept telling myself. She came back after she changed her cloths and got into a more comfortable cloths. Her skin was so beautiful, as if she just came back from the tanning booth. Her neck looked like a part of heaven that I never imagined. The eyes are so magical. Her lips were wet, and so red. I examined all of her body, and it was a touch of heavens. That silky nightgown and those legs….oh bo3bo3, how could you resist such temptations.
I couldn’t resist anymore. Suddenly, the desires to feed on her overwhelmed me. I just can never overlook such beauty. I am thirsty. My lips are so dry, and nothing would satisfy them except her skin. So I got close to her, rapped my right warm gently on the back of her neck. My left hand just reached to her waist. I asked her to dance with me, and she agreed. The music of black Sabbath is playing on the background. I changed it to "the jungle" for guns&roses. Raised the volume. I reached with my lips to her soft golden neck. She said stop, but it’s too late now. Stop she screamed, but I couldn’t hear her words as the voices inside of my mind were louder and louder. Welcome to the jungle, my jungle, darling.
She tried to run away but there was no where to run. "Let me take you to my world, and you’ll thank me later" I said. She cried, begging for mercy, but this bo3bo3 is not listening. I held her tight as she laid on her back on the floor. She seems to give up the fight, finally. I held her hands as she was laying,, then I looked up, opened my mouth, hauled, then looked down at this terrified woman, and quickly sank my teeth into her neck.
I felt the blood flowing, oooh that warm sweet blood running from her into my veins. I was too hungry, and demanded more. I kept draining her blood, she resisted, then slowly, she gave up. I never tasted such sweet blood like this one.
When I was done, I sat beside her. She was out, no movement whatsoever. Then I leaned to her right ear, and whispered "rise again oh sweet one". She opened her eyes, got up, looked straight at me asking "where am I?". I told her "welcome to my world oh darling for I promise you an everlasting happiness beside me, and an imortal life where you will never ache no more". She came to me, hugged me and said "thank you my lord, for what life I would even ask for that is better than this one".
Cursed I am. To live by the shadows of the nights, stalking victims to feed on.
Cursed I am, for love I still seek, compassionate I am deprived from.
Cursed I am for my life can only be, by the death of others.
Cursed I am, that as long as I live, I shall never see the light.
Cursed I am for death I can never ask for, but shall come on to me.
Cursed I am, to live forever, a vampire from the dark world.

Honesty is not always the right approach

On many occasions, I hear my friends tell me "bo3bo3 dude, you are way too much a politician". To be honest, I don’t see myself a politician when dealing with others. I mean the term "politician" bears so much corruption in it that it scares me to hear it. So what drived those people to look at me (or you) as a politician?
The claim is that you have to be honest when dealing with others. Honesty is not always the correct way when approaching some matters. I mean do you visualize what would my wife do to me if I said "honey, this pants is at least one size smaller than what would fit you"? I maybe a dead man walking right after such comment.
I believe that we sometimes have to "sweeten" the answer to first prevent a catastrophe (well, not to this extreme, I exaggerated here) and two to maybe put a smile on someone’s face. Is it worth it? To see a smile on a face is it worth "massaging" the truth?
When people tell me that I act like a politician, I sense that they are hinting that I escape telling the truth to satisfy an individual, or certain people. Believe me I’m not scared (except from mrs bo3bo3), but rather careful not to offend or hurt the feelings of those around me. 5 years of marriage taught me that honesty is not always the right approach. I learned to say things like "honey, I’ve never seen a more beautiful woman than you in my entire life" and maybe "it’s ok dude, we all make such mistakes" even though it may have been a severe mistake. Gotta give someone a hope, that I learned.
So, and as of today, I’m struggling to defend my approach and answer the criticism of being a politician. I simple can not be honest all the time, and there are certain incidents, we may have to massage or manipulate our answers for a good cause, and that is to put a smile on someone’s face. If you knew your dad is gonna die in 2 days as the doctors said, wold you concentrate on how to make him happy these two days, or slam him with the bitter truth of his death?

On her day

Let me tell you ladies and gentelmen about her story. The day she was born, her dad wasn’t as happy as he would’ve been if she was a boy instead. True that he accepted her into his home, but in his mind, he is thinking "inshalla we’ll do better next time, and have a boy". As she was growing up, she was always reminded that boys get away with more stuff than what she would. You can’t look from the window. You can’t wear shorts. You can’t swim. You can’t rais your voice. You can’t hit your brother back, even if he severely beat you up. Yada yada yada.
Then she became mature, and her body grew and the signs of a woman are beginning to show on her. Now she has to be careful what she says, and what she does. A boy flirted with her while she was walking back to school, and all she did was tell him "get lost" and move on her way. Yet, her brother heard of that and he beats her up just because she spoke to that boy. She overcomes so much discrimination, and now she is done with school.
It’s time to marry she is told. So her dad and mom chose for her the man that she has to continue life with. If she is lucky enough, the man won’t degrade her or beat her up. She works day and night, and she is constantly reminded that her happiness is tied up with his happiness. If he is happy, then that’s her happiness. She may not enjoy the bed with him a lot, and on many occasions, he doesn’t care if she enjoyed or not, just as long as he is satisfied.
Then she grows to be a mother, and go through the hardships of birth and staying up in many nights to care for her baby (s).
If we look at our mothers, and visualize what they had to endure on the course of their lives, then maybe we’ll understand why islam says that "heavens is truly underneath the feet of mothers". To this day, I am yet to find any person who is more giving than this woman. So on this mothers day, I pray to my Lord that my mother, my sister, my wife are happy women, and I salute them for being simply women, great women.

Soprano returns with a big bang

So as I was in the hype of anticipating the last season of sopranos. I was making sure that I have everything ready.

Coffee, check,

cookies, check,

surround system on, check,

warning the wife that I wanna be left alone for a whole 30 minutes, check, yes check check check.

I’m ready. The clock is ticking. 8:45 and my eyes glued to the TV. Wife tells me "don’t finish the coffee and the cookies before it even starts" and I yell "leave me alone woman"

9:00 comes, and I’m suddenly in my domain. Soprano’s first episode starts with a bang. The death of two rats. The advice of Tony to his son "I don’t care how close you are. In the end, your friends are going to let you down. Family, they’re the ones you can depend on". Strong words coming from the guy who’s his mom and uncle tried to assassinate him in the first season. So much loyalty this guy has.

Tony bought his wife a new porch (cayan) and she is excited showing it off to friends. Johnny sack is in jail while Tony is trying to ensure an ever-lasting peace between his family, and Johnny’s family. Things get worst.

Sadely, and after lecturing his son about the importance of family, and after listening to his shrink’s advice that it’s his family that tried to kill him, Tony goes to his uncle top take care of him. He refused to send him to an elderly home. He decided that it’s a disrespect to do that.
Tony walks in his ailing uncle’s house. The uncle has a big time psycho problems. Tony starts cooking for uncle, and then, the big bang. The uncle comes downstairs, shoots tony, and runs upstairs and hides in the clauset crying like a baby no knowing what he has done. Tony is screaming calling his uncle "call 911" but uncle is no where near. Tony struggles toward the phone, dials 911, then falls on his back. He looks like dying. Could that be? Wow.
Bo3Bo3 is screaming "get up man, get up u son of the $$$, get up Tony, dude, get up u $$$$$$$$###$%#$#$.

Now, one of two things may arise from this. If Tony dies, then there will be a big struggle in the soprano family. Too many captains, and they never liked each others. That would be something. The second option is that Tony survives this scare, and that will influence his life as a mobster and as a family man. It will affect the whole season, this year.

Whatever it is, the soprano’s returned with a big bang in the first episode, and it’s gonna be a hell of a season. See you guys next Monday after the second episode.

A new chapter in life

A new chapter in my life is about to begin. I have accepted a new job, in another city. The new job is like a dream job for me, exactly what I've been wishing for lately to get out of my routine. almost 20% increase in salary. Better benefits, and on top of all that, it's in research area, and thats where I really wanna be. I wasn't born to be a lab rat, nor a fire fighter always on call to fix customers problems and processes. So yes, I'm happy.

Yet, change brings fear with it. The fear of the unknown, the future, the relocation process. I'm gonna be deprived from my beloved wife and family for about 3 monthes, till they join me after I buy the new house and that sourt of things. Change breings fear, as it always carries (it refering to change) with it dilemma. A dilemma how to settle down, in the new job and the new community. How to make new friends all over again. The fear of being lonely for three monthes. Sleeping alone on a bed after being with someone for 5 years. Life, the lonely life. It's been along time since I was lonely, and it wasn't a good experience.

So the next few monthes, I may look different, sound different, or even behave different. True that they call me bo3bo3, but trust me, there is nothing in me that reflects any bo3bo3 behavior.

Staying in a hotel for 3 monthes, eating food that is no way near the good home cooking my beloved wife cooks for me, and on top of all, not having the luxury of feeling her warm hand touching my shoulders comforting me when I'm down. That, my good friends, is what I'll miss the most. But I am a believer, I strongly believe in the almight God, and I believe that he is looking over me. With that, I know I'll manage hrough harships of life, for his love is the ultimate love.

A new chapter of my life is about to begin, so buckle up fellow jordanian bloggers for there is no way knowing what this bo3bo3 may write when he is lonely. I think my latest post "erotic thoughts" will look like a children story compared with what's to come (bala gafyeh). God bless us all, and wish me luck in my new life.

Bo3Bo3

The final countdown, Soprano's are back

I am a sopranoaholic, yes I admit it. I love the show, with all what it represents or tries to reflect. I love the power struggle, and sticking up to the family. I love the fact that a man can be so evil, so powerfull, yet, wouldn't hesitate to cry after he shoots his cousin. Thats Toney alright, I just love the dude.

So it's friday night, exactly 46 hours till the start of the first episode of the sopranos on HBO. The sad part is the fact that this is gonna be the final season of such show. Does that mean Toney is gonna die? Or go to jail? I'd hate to see that.

The soprano's is not about mafia, no my good friends. there is more to it. There are so many things we can learn from such show. It's not about violence or blood thirsty heartless killers. It's about the power structure and the decisions that a boss has to make to protect the rest of the family, even if that meant turning his wife, the snitch so be murdered for talking to the feds.

I am a sopranoaholic, yes I admit it. Many of you may not have a clue of what show I'm talking about, but for the few who follow the show, hang in there, it's gonna be a rough ride, and I predict a not so happy ending, damn the director. Thanks for reading.

Blogging Dilemma

This is gonna sound weird a little. I'm fairly new to this blogging buisness, less than 4 months so far. I learned that blogging is like poetry, or writing a novel, sort of. Typically, a post is triggered by an event, or some sort of feelings toward a specific incident or feelings. How so?

You may read a specific news, and you react to it, and then decide to write about it. Political blog? hummm

You may read a story, or a novel, and you decide to put your thoughts about it and hence, you formulate a post.

You may have some sort of feeling, anger, love, or any feeling, and then you decide to write about those feelings. A poem, or a simple post to reflect how you feel. After all, your blog is your own word, your mirror of ideology, feelings, or your reading habbits.

But sometimes there is nothing to write about. Nothing to inspire your fingers to simply log on and let your mind roam your own domain, or mirror as we said earlier. You then try to make up somthing, anything, but with no luck. So you decide to wait for the right moment, and the right incident that will trigger your mind to reflect.

Thats where the dilemma starts. How can you creat the right atmosphere and the right mood to write about something, anything that is not related to an incident or feelings? It's like writing a novel. You sit down, gather a topic you wanna write about, and then gather your thoughts and ideas.

My dilemma is that I'm a reactive person. Something has to trigger me to write. 4 weeks so far and I'm yet to write a poem. I don't mean writing it in my blog, but simply writing it on my poem notes that I keep. This is new to me as I'm always quick to set the mood and enjoy my poetic side.

I hate to be a reactive person. Why do I need to wait for an honor crime to write about it? Why do I need for a mood to be in the mood of writing about anything? Well, wish I know.

Ok, which one of you guys and gals said "it's time to refill that prozac bottle of yours bo3bo3"

Erotic thoughts

Being born to a conservative jordanian parents, I grew up in an environment that has lots of red lines. Red lines on words, thoughts, and other aspects of our lives. As a result, one grws being catious always on what he/she says, or does.

Before my 18th birthday, I was sent to the states to pursue education. 17 years in the usa had it's affect on me. I'm sure others feel this way too about themselves.

I learned to flirt with those red lines. Come so close, take a peek, and then go back to my bases quickly. Sometimes, I would cross those lines for a short time, then quickly go back to my "normal" state, whatever that state means.

I learned to enjoy art. Suddenly, a picture of a naked beautiful woman is not an adult rated material, but now it is an art expression. Of course I don't mean photos like the ones posted in adult sites or magazines, but I mean an expression photos of beauty.

Same with thoughts. What I wouldn't even dare to think of, is now an ok thing.

So I decided to flirt with the red lines again, and hope no one gets offended by such actions of me.

Erotic thoughts.

It was late at night, close to 15 min passed midnight. I walked from the coffee shop (argeeleh style) to the resturant to have a late snack. In the restaurant, I saw her sitting on one of the tables, with her friend. She was beautiful, and so her friend. Lust started building in me and I felt something I haven't felt in some time. Here smile, her look, her face was telling me "join us". God what I would do for just 2 minutes with her.

After a big fight inside of me between my good side, and my evil wicked side, a winner was announced. Seems that my evil wicked side won again. So I got up, driven by the strong lust ana passion inside of my body, and went to the table. I sat next to her friend, but my eyes never moved away from her directions. Her friend was talking to me, and my mind was with her. Not just my mind, ...well. anyway, lets just say I was under a spell. A spell that won't leave me unless I satisfy my erotic lust toward her.

I tried to resist, and tried again. I can't win the battle. My body was like a flame wanting to explode. I just kept thinking of how sweet things would be between me and her.

I sat next to her friend, but my eyes were stuck on her, and so my thoughts. So much lust inside of me toward her. Her friend noticed, and said "you can have all three of us, if you wish". Wow, what an offer. Wait a minute bo3bo3, don't forget that u promissed urself that u never will do that. I declined the offer and smiled and said "Great offer, but I have to decline it, and ask ur permission to let me have her only". She smiled back at me and said "she is all your, enjoy". I was happy, and let my hand reach across the table toward her, thinking of when my lipos touch her body, soft silky smooth body. I held her, as if I was holding the secret to happiness, and used amatch to light her on fire, then smoked like there was no tomorrow. Indeed she was the most beautiful marlboro lights I ever had in my life. We both lived love like we never lived it before. I then walked back to my car thinking about my next victim, will it be another sweet lovely marlboro light again? I sure hope so.

The man creature

We tend to overlook this creature. Concentrate alot on the greatness of woman, that we forget to even pay attention to this creature. Pregnancey, opression, second hand class citizen, crimes, and all those negative things that happen to women, underestimate the needed discussions or attention to man. Man. Man? :sigh: yes man.

Man, is a great creature. Loves, just like she does, cries, just like she does, feels, again just like she does.

Giving, you asked? Yes, man is a very giving creature. Works so many years, never complains, to make sure his loved ones survive.

Loving, you asked? The greatest love poetry was written by men. They say that poets don't lie, and then tend to express true emotions.

Caring, you asked? ooooh yes, very caring, to mom, dad, and all his family.

Sacrificing? oh yes. need I elaborate?

Man, we tend to overlook his feelings, emotions, laughter, and tears.

Oh well, he would never even complain, except me.

2/6/1999

a dark and a sad day in history. allah yer7am roo7ak sayyedy wa7abeeby abo 3abdallah.

Twisted Soul

I was watching the movie "interview with a vampire" and got inspired to write this poem. this poem is not about the life of a vampire, but something close to, and hope that you find it ok.

As the raindrops hit my face
and as I stare at this world
Watching these dark clouds
life's mysteries unfold

Life is not for me to find
its secrets i seek no more
what Im looking for are answers
not of life, but of sweet death

My existence, death cant be called
nor to life I cant make claim
by God, alive, I was made
and by man, my death is named

exhausting out my life’s flesh
to satisfy his starvation call
then filling me with life again
though im not alive, not at all

survival and reality would be
better suited terms
for what would be a life
Except darkness will destroy

forced to walk in the shadow of evil
with few companions in the dark
and even they don’t cheer me
as Im forced to consume their hearts

this life is empty and is so dull
and lonely to the soul
for to find a friend I’d damn them
and thats too expensive of a toll

so forever I shall lonely wander
in the darkness and in the night
wishing for a second death
to take me in its might

AAA (Bo3Bo3) 1/30/2006

Stop

Sometimes, and when lots of things happen around you, things that you can explain and accept, and things that u can never explain nor accept, one needs a vacation. Vacation for the mind and soul. One needs to tell himself "stop, yes stop, forget all this, and take your mind awaaaaaaaaaay from such environment". Don't know if it will help or not, but do you feel so too? Overwhelmed with things in your life, that you scream for a stop sign somewhere, just to catch your breath and reflect or reanalyze the situation.

Stop. How can you creat such stop signs for you? Force you to stop, literally stop and don't think about it.

Yeah we hear lots of shrinks keep saying "will you have to think of a good place, or you need to take it one step at a time", or whatever they say to comfort their patients. But that ain't easy.
A stop sign is all I need once in a while just to sit down, relax, reflect, and analyze. But the life's routine is chasing me and I don't seem able to create such points in my life. Gotta run all the time. Time is money . No time for thinking the decision. No room for slackers. Life is a wheel, and you can't stop it, so you better be analyzing while it's going. ufffffffffffft

Stop. That’s all I need, for just few days, damn it, few days all i ask. But it ain't working at all. Thing after thing after another thing and then something, always chasing me and demanding quick response, or reaction.

Wouldn't be nice if you can stop the wheel, and escape to some place where you take your mind off, and install another mind that is free of duties, or previous emotions, or even any thoughts. Stress, after stress.

Stop, that’s all I look for these days.

At a crossroad

One of the worst thing I think about is to come at a cross-road and pick a route. I hate that. I really do. Marriage, job, moving, love, buying, selling, saying, and many many more things in our life that brings us to a full stop and demand from us to make the choice.At that instant, your whole life in the past, as well so many speculations overwhelm you with thoughts. What if....well, what if..... You keep saying that for so many hours calculating every step you have to take. It;s like playing chess, only chess is controlled by you (and your opponent), but life is controlled by the almighty.During such time, I get depressed so bad, and start going crazy in my thoughts. I start plugging in formulas in my mind to make sure that I make the best choice. Especially when you have a family to drag with you. Any wrong step or move, and you'll be haunted with the guilty feeling for long time. Such feeling will for sure depress you, and where is Prozac when you need it.What do we want? Damn it what is it? If I live in this routine life, I complain about the lack of action. If I get the action and would have to step up to the plate and make the decision that will affect me and my family, I start complaining too. Damn it, where is that bottle of prozac I got the other day.
If only life was simple, but with a little touch of excitement. Naaa, what am I saying? That’s bad. Actions and excitement is what makes life worth living. No pain, no gain. You gotta live some days where you feel that the you will have to make the most important decision in your life.
Or maybe it’s just because I live in ohio, the land of moonshine (200 proof home made liquor that will make your stomach scream begging you for drinking sulfuric acid instead) and that all ohians are crazy like scared of decisions?

I still have you in my dream

Fallen shadows of my dream
kiss my mind at night, as I scream.
I can feel your touch and it feels so right.
If you have my heart, just hold it tight,

I never want to slip away, or even fade.
Take a journey to my soul, give it a shade
Take a journey into me, I know it’s uneasy
Twisted visions scrambled with erotic ecstasy.

Am I dreaming of you or your just a fantacy.
Can this be true…….. is it a reality.
Come into my world and dance with me
Let me touch you, love you endlessly.

I've learned to cope with this empty feeling
it is of you that I am always dreaming
As pathetic as it look or seems........
I still hold you close to me in my dreams

You give the chance, and I will show you
That love is what my heart always brew
And over and over again, I will make you
Reach the stars, yes my love is true

But when I awake the dream is over
And day after day I grow colder and colder
And though you were with me, and we all were free
I still have part of you that is everything to me

As pathetic as it look or seems.....
I still have all of you in my dreams

So you think you figured out love

So you think you figured out what is love. Really, you do? I don’t. I keep hearing so many definitions..and and … and classifications of this thing called love. So confusing and so theorotical definitions. They tell you that you know you are in love when you feel an increase in heart beat, or or maybe some weird feeling inside your body. I am having hard time believing that.
Love is when you feel that you can not simply live if that person doesn’t exist. Naaa, that’s bologna.
Maybe love is when you feel so happy and joyful around someone. Again naaaaa, can’t buy that.
Many poets sung the love stories, and supposedly romeo and juliet, or 3antar w3ablah, or 3adnaan walina (the cartoon) would give us hints on what is love. Come on Bo3Bo3, those plays or stories are simply a reflection of how the author thinks about love.
What is love (baby don’t hurt me no more, courtesy Nasnas)? There are somethings that happen when love is around that are unexplainable. Love doesn’t follow the laws of physics, nor they follow the laws of common sense. Yes, you read it right, “common sense”. Love doesn’t follow that. It just happens. And don’t you try to sell me this thing about chemical reactions, no, I refuse to accept that. Love just happens. Why, how, and where, and even to whom? No one can explains it. How many girls loved their teachers? How many boys loved women who were older than them, and LOOL these women were actually married. I remember the time when I loved our neighbors wife. I was maybe about 16. Morahaqah u said? I don’t care what u call it. It was sweet feelings.
Sometimes we end up loving people that we never imagined we would. That’s because love is uncontrollable. It just happens.
So you think you figured out Love? Something goes inside you that you can not explain. It just happens, not following any rules. True that in the end you can control how this love is gonna affect the future, but you simply can not explain how it started.

And for you, I have this poem:

The Impossible Love

Tell me,about love, how does it happen
It tortures the heart, and it’s wounds it deepens
Nights and days of suffering, how it all started
Simple feelings just filled the heart and never departed

I do nothing, just waiting for the explanation
If I could only understand this infatuation
But deep inside of me, I know that my sensation
Is gonna die, but not before it causes my heart mutation

If I could cross the seas and the oceans
Just to be able to express my true emotions
If I could neglect all the rules of man
Just to hold you so close to me, wish I can

But it’s only wishes that will never come true
For you know it just like I do
For now, we can only enjoy this magic
Of love, that will die so tragic

I’ll cherish the moments with you in my mind
Today my love for you is alive and is blind
Until destiny decides to hold the sword high above
And then send the blow that will end this love

AAA (Bo3Bo3) 1/18/2006

Seek the truth no more

We are trained to search for the truth, at a very early age. You asked mom or dad "yo pops, mom, how did I come to this life" and they answered you "tomorrow you'll know". They know the truth, yet, they want you to go through the "correct" process when searching for the truth. In school, university, and even in life, you spend so much of your time searching for the truth.

By the time you finish college, you will be trained so darn good on how to seek and search for the truth. True love, true life, true future, true feelings, and all sort of true stuff.

Then you get married, and now you have a job. .............. and the search stops. It stops I tell ya. You have found the answers for so many things in life, from true love, to true feelings to true "present". That is it.

What do you mean that is it? well, it's just that is it. No more searching. No more seeking. Now you just find a place in this routine life and do the same everything day in and day out. Now you just have to spend time till your day comes. You start telling yourself "I have found my true me, my true love, my true job, my true God (or no God), my true....hummmm...my true "life".

Is this what I was trained all my early years for? This is it? It was fun when I had to search and seek, and research again for the truth. Life meant something back then. My mind was eager to find answers. Eager to find a true love. Eager to find out about God. Now I have found all what I was searching for. Now all i do is go to work in the morning, and go home in the evening. Only to enjoy life for a couple of hours by spending time with my true love, or reading a book, or what have u.

Is this is it? It can not be. It shouldn't be. Challenges are what give a taste to this life. Happiness is a great goal, but if it was without sorrow and sadness, it has no taste. Money is great, but if you don't go through hardships, it won't taste as great. Health is really good, but if you don't go throw sickness and pain, it would mean nothing. But those were physical aspects. What about the brain?

Yes what about the brain, and the soul. I seek challenges for the brain and the soul, yet I can not find any. My brain is seeking answers no more. My soul has settled out for the true God, and it is not accepting anything short of that.

Life is funny somehow. You climb Mount Everest, the greatest mount, and you go through hardship to get up there, and you finally reach your destination. Now what?

The soul and the mind strives on challenges, and if you don't have any, you should find some, because if you don't, you will be just another worker in the animal kingdom, going to work every day, in this killing routine.

don't know how to find challenges for the mind and soul.

Screams

Where do I begin. hummmmm, lets see.
I sometimes that there is a scream inside of me that is not heard by anyone else. I can hear my screams. They are deep within, and locked by my doomed mind. You see, my mind has way too much control over my innerself (and maybe all of us the same).
My soul goes through an agonizing process, where, u can scream, but no one can her u. You can be baaaaaaaaad boy, but keep it within. You can be evil, but u better look good on the outside. Always, this struggle and agonizing war is in flames inside of me. So far, it seems that the mind is in control and the armies of common sense and logic are winning, but not a decisive win. I can sense the forces of wickedness, and evilness, and even weird feelings, are gathering their troops and waging small wars inside.
Somehow, you manage to draw this beautiful smile on your face, and this..this..well this perfect laugh. Yet, deep inside of you, no one can hear your cries. Don't blame them, but blame the mind, indeed.
How can you numb the brain, so the forces of the revolution inside of you can come out, just for few moments, just for damn few moments. I wish there is another way other than a bottle of conjak or 3arag. I wish there is a better way.
I wanna scream at so many things, so many damn things, but I can not. No it's not the chemicals I deal with. Rules, rules, rules, red lines, then rules again that are acting as a big wall preventing my innerself from screaming what it really wants to scream about. Do I have to drink alcohol to have some kind of breach at these walls so my innerself can come out for few moments? I'm not willing to do that, never ever again.
Then how can I satisfy the desires, and come out? One of these days, i wanna come out and tell exactly how I feel about life, politics, social, behaviors, love, yes love, and so many other things that are kept in this deep well, and hidden behind this nice looking charming mask I am forced to wear?
How can you come out? the joy and the laughter that may accompany such "coming out" is so damn...whats the word I'm looking for..yes..so damn "innocent" and so damn "real". But why would u wanna ruin a nice painting that has nice looking background, and trees, and ..and children playing and a small boat in the far distance, now why would u wanna ruin that for a simple few moments of "coming out"? Is it worth it? damn yes. Can u do it? damn no.

Is democracy good for us?

"what is the true definition of democracy".

So, we keep demanding and asking for democracy. Do we really need democracy? Do we like "the rule of the majority"? Or there are certain guidelines or rules that dictates this democracy?

If a company asked it's employees to decide on how much the raise is to be in their sallaries, many will demand 20%. If they did that, will there be any company?

If the majority of the passengers of a cruise ship wanted to go to Argentina through a storm, they maybe no ship few days later. If the majority wanted to install ben laden as the president of Saudi Arabia, there maybe no Saudi Arabia few months later.

So, there must be lines that dictate how much democracy can we have, right?

Here comes the dilemma. What control these lines? Religion? Morals? Common sense? Well, the dilemma is that we don't even agree on these terms.

Who's religion? Islam? I would agree, but lots of seculars and Christians (and even some muslims) wouldn’t.

What morals? My western affected morals or the morals of a conservative Jordanian (or any nationality) that looks at me with a :re: look when I say statements like "$hit happens". Or when they even give me the same look when I claim that it is ok for a man and a woman, strangers, sit in a restaurant, talking about anything.

What common sense? That when I see a man and a woman kissing behind some wall, that I should scream and gather the crowd around them? Or simply make a small noise to let them know I am present so they can either stop or go somewhere else?

Democracy is a failure (I think) because it has to be controlled by guidelines, and because the guidelines are different from one religion, tradition, or race to another.

What do u think? :???: